Thursday Think-Sink

Today's one of those days when my post isn't so much a funny story but more a Seinfeld-esque pondering, which I've decided to query my favorite followers about. It's not the election. It has nothing to do with religion. I have no intention of discussing whichever J-wad Duggar is side-hugging whom. The issue that burns through my mind today is a simple one. Why must there be a second sink in the master bathroom? 

We remodeled our last bathroom because it was hideous. We took out a bizarre toilet closet that was in the middle of the room like some medieval torture chamber, moved it to the side, created a beautiful tiled walk-in shower with a matching jetted tub that made me feel like the Queen that I am whenever I used it, added a new vanity with a granite top and plenty of storage, beautiful fixtures hand-selected by me, and let me tell you, that room was dope as shit. It was well worth every single penny we spent....Until we had to sell our house and were told, "The remodel's really nice, but it's going to be really hard to sell with only one sink."

Are you kidding me? A stupid sink is a make-or-break feature? Did I mention the tiled walk-in shower and the jetted soaking tub and the beautiful fixtures and paint and moldings and EVERYTHING? What the hell is up with having to have a second sink in a master bathroom? What purpose does it serve? What true time does it save? What relationship woes does it prevent? Has anyone really ever looked at the love of their life and thought, I would literally carve my toothbrush into a fucking shiv and stab my husband in the throat if I had to share a sink with him.

There have been exactly TWO times during our (sometimes insufferably) long marriage that Jay & I have had to get ready at the same time for work. Twice I had a job where I actually worked during the day like a normal person. And during those two periods, I can assure you there was not a single second where either of us worried that the lack of an extra sink was going to make us fall behind, skip the coffee, road rage to work, and get fired for being late. I'm not insinuating that our marriage is stronger when we share a sink, I'm just suggesting that maybe the lack of separate sinks isn't the Couples Armageddon urban legend that others believe to be true. 

And before you say I can't possibly understand the need for separate, but equal, let me explain my adorable husband's ONLY pet peeve: He abhors the sight of toothpaste, he gets nauseous at the image of anyone brushing their teeth (even me), and he is absolutely disgusted to his core at the smell of toothpaste on anyone's breath (yep, still me). EVEN WITH THIS LUNACY, we still somehow manage to coexist with only one sink between the two of us. 

Don't get me wrong - two sinks are fabulous when it's a children's bathroom. There I see the issue: Don't touch me. Don't look at me. I need to brush my teeth. No, I'M brushing my teeth. I was here first. No, I was. No you weren't. You're hogging the water. Don't splash me! You're hogging the sink. You spit on me. MOMMMMM!!!!!! Yes, for children's bathrooms, I absolutely want that second sink. But rarely does it exist in houses because kids should have to fight to use everything and parents - for whatever reason - need to luxuriate in the abundance of sinkage with our cups (or spouts) runnething over. 

My bathroom does have two sinks. Do you know what I use my second sink for? Right now it holds my hand towel, my box of Kleenex, a magazine, sometimes a blow dryer, and most often a bra because I'm too lazy to put it somewhere else when I get ready for bed. What my second sink does NOT do is get used at the same time as the first sink. What would be better than a second sink is a flat surface, preferably without access to water, where a person could spread out all of her bathroom counter shit that she REALLY needs to use instead of another basin and water source that gets a whole 5% of bathroom time. Forget the fancy fixtures. Forget the crown moldings. Forget the damn bidet. Simply focus on more space for more shit. If you ask me, THAT'S the money-making selling point.