We all have a recurring dream or two, right? The kind where you always wake up freaked out, thinking it was real? I get these sometimes, but the one that really upsets me the most is when I dream that Jay is lying to/cheating on/leaving or divorcing me, and to add insult to injury, he's ALWAYS really mean about it. In my dream. And also when I get mad at him for it after I wake up.
To be clear, he would never cheat on me or lie to me (although he would take this chance to butt in and say, "that you know of!" but he's a child so he very rarely gets to speak in my blog). Maybe there's some deep psychological meaning behind this dream, but all I know is it's very disturbing to me, especially because he acts like he doesn't even KNOW the horrible mean things he's done to me in my dreams.
Today, after I'd had another one of these nightmares, I was waiting for him when he came home from work. I gave him a big hug and said, "Last night in my dream you LEFT me! Then you wanted to be friends and you were always hanging around me, even though my heart was broken. Then you seemed like you were trying to get me back."
He started to back up a bit and said with an I just got home after a long day and a sucky commute and I don't want to have to kill you voice, "You KNOW it was just a dream. I love you."
I said, "Yeah, but were you?"
He said, "Was I what?"
I said, "Trying to win me back because you couldn't stand being away from me for one more second?"
Obviously deciding NOT to kill me, he just
See? He's a dream!
Dreamboat or survivor, he's gotten to be very adept at playing my strange hypothetical games, which come up in conversation with me A LOT. One night while watching a rerun of Grey's Anatomy, a character who had lost her leg was having a sex scene. She lost her leg in an accident, not during the sex scene, but it still brought up a great "what if?" for me to ponder. I asked Jay, "If my leg was cut off and I had a fake leg, and we were having sex and the fake leg accidentally falls off, should either of us mention it or just pretend it never happened and kinda shove the fake leg off the bed?" On this one, he flat out refused to answer, so I'm not sure where he stood (no pun intended) on the subject of fake leg on or off during sex.
Another time, I saw a B horror movie and the plot was this: A dirty bomb exploded over LA. A husband was stuck at home and his wife was stuck in traffic on her way to work in LA. The husband searched everywhere for her until he had to go back inside and seal up the house. A day later, the wife appeared. The husband's been listening to the news throughout and knows that anyone anywhere NEAR the blast has to be quarantined. So when she showed up, after he'd been tearfully searching high and low for her, what did he do? He let her sit her ass out on the porch in the cold so his crybaby ass didn't get infected, too!
This obviously did not sit well with me and my idea of what true love should be, and I needed to know that Jay felt the same. So I woke him up (did I mention I was watching this movie on cable at about 2 a.m.?) to make sure we were on the same page.
Me: Honey? Sweetie? Can you wake up please?
Jay: What? What's wrong?
Me: Are you awake?
Jay: I am now.
Me: If there's a dirty bomb and I'm in traffic near it and you're at home, and I show up a day later probably infected, and you've sealed the house off so you're probably not, can I come in?
Jay: What bomb? Why are you infected? What time is it?
Me: There was just a dirty bomb and I'm infected and you're not. Do you let me in the house, knowing you'll most likely get infected, too?
Jay: Of course I will.
Me: Really? You love me that much? Because I would totally let you in.
Jay: I guess. Are we done?
Me: Oh, wait! What if the KIDS are in the house with you? Would you let me in?
Jay: I already said I would.
Me: No, but if you have the kids in there, you shouldn't let me in. You would seriously risk their lives just to let me in? What is wrong with you?
Jay: (Barely awake) Yes, the kids are fucked because I love you. OK? Can I go back to sleep?
I believe knowing the answer to life's hypothetical riddles is the key to happiness. My sister, on the other hand, does not care to play the "what if?" game. When I asked her about the dirty bomb scenario, at first she refused to answer at all, but after I bugged her long enough she finally admitted, "No! No, I would not let my husband in if he was infected and I wasn't. Why should I give up the chance to move on with someone else after he's gone if he infected me first?" This oddly self-centered opinion isn't entirely surprising as I once asked her if Jay and I were secretly making meth because he was dying of cancer and he wanted to support us after he died, would she turn us in? She said, "Hell yeah! If you're making meth, of course I'm turning you in." I said, "But I'm your sister. He's dying." She said, "Too bad. I'm not protecting someone making drugs." I said, "Seriously? You would turn me in? Your SISTER?" She said, "Damn straight. You don't just get to make drugs anytime you want!"
Makes you wonder why she was always so surprised when I would narc on her ass every time she had a party at our house when our parents were gone. Maybe if she'd been nicer about the making meth thing, I would've gone back in time and not been such a bitch. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
