Really Not Spongeworthy

Okay, so I've done my FUNDRAISING. I'm not sure if it can be called fundraising, I'm not actually raising any funds, though if you are dead set on sending me money to MAKE it a real fundraiser, who am I to stop you? Just make sure it's cash or money order, not personal check. 

So the real topic for today is the good ol' Seinfeld episode of spongeworthiness. For those who live under a rock, Elaine found out that her favorite form of birth control, the Today Sponge, was being taken off the market. In her haste to get her freak on, she searched every store until she found some in stock, and bought their entire inventory (many, many cases). She knew her supply was now restocked, but also knowing that it was ultimately a finite supply, she began doubting if her soon-to-be sexual partners were, in fact, "spongeworthy." 

In that same train of thought, but possibly on a different track, is the quandary all of us women face at one time or another: Would I, could I, should I shave my legs for this? 

I hate shaving. I know most women don't usually enjoy it, but I abhor it. I have very dark hair, it grows back the very next day, and my skin is so sensitive that I can't shave again for a few days even if I wanted to or I'll end up with a horrible itchy rash leaving me looking like some freaky (but hairless) leper. Waxing doesn't work, shaving cuts and burns and grows right back, and electric razors, well....let's just say after burning out the motor on too many of those, my husband has resorted to locking his up tighter than Fort Knox. I think I actually have a restraining order against me from his razor around here somewhere. 

Having had a membership at a massage place for the last year and my final massage happening today, I've been pondering all week whether or not to shave my legs. You may ask why it's taken me all week to decide since I surely would've shaved SOMETIME during that time, right? Let me compare it to the tree wizards in Lord of the Rings Part 2. They took several hours to decide if something had actually happened (it had). For most women, the sense of urgency to shave their legs is too great and it must be done after just a day or two of stubble. In my case, I'm more like the tree wizard. I could let this dilemma easily play out for a few weeks. Other than bathing and changing clothes, I can pretend not to notice for a very long time. Really, we all know there are only 3 reasons to shave your legs: 
1. You are looking to get lucky.
2. You are wearing shorts.
3. You are going to the doctor. 

In my case, I've managed to narrow it down to usually only 1 shaveworthy scenario. I avoid shorts as much as possible (much easier to do now that I live in MN and not AZ) and though I am pleased as punch to get lucky as much as the next girl, I'm even luckier in that Jay understands my innate laziness and doesn't really care if I shave or not. 

In the end, I have to determine that:
1. I'm not getting lucky, I'm getting a massage that I already paid for, and let's face it, this is NOT my first rodeo. It's probably going to be administered by another entry-level masseuse who spends far too much time draping the sheets just right so as not to expose one tiny extra millimeter of skin than necessary, and regardless of what you might think, there is NEVER a happy ending. 
2. I won't be wearing shorts, but my legs will be covered (and the room is dark). That's even better. If you have hairy legs under a blanket in the dark, you can almost convince yourself you have really warm fuzzy leggings on.
3. Massage Envy is not even close to being at the doctor, so I don't feel the need to turn up the charm like I might want to do to ensure a really good Pap smear score (yes, we get graded on them, didn't you know???).  

So I think I will take a good friend's advice and simply let it go and advise all hands on deck to stay above water level. If he insists on venturing further south, well, that's what happens when you swim in shark-infested water.