Kids in older generations usually got to work out their disagreements by fighting. Our generation got to emotionally abuse and belittle each other. Since everyone gets their panties in a wad over "zero tolerance" bullying policies nowadays, I guess we get to go back to the good ol' days of fighting, which is fine with me. I have three boys. They've been beating the crap out of each other for years; they can move on to other kids, too.
Lately I've come across a valuable parenting tool through my active community involvement in Mafia Wars. I've learned having hired muscle is an amazingly effective and really underrated method to settle the angry mob of children God so callously pawned off on me. When we were taking a lovely family drive last weekend, pretty quickly it started to turn ugly with the typical "Stop it!" "No, YOU stop it!" "Mom!!!! He won't stop looking at me/talking to me/touching me/annoying me." Since I had already promised myself I was going to have a peaceful family outing, I tried a new tactic: I appointed Ryan as my hitman for the day.
Me: Both of you had better shut up or Ryan will make you.
Justin: What?
Branden: But that will hurt!
Me: Exactly. So be good and don't make him have to hurt you.
Side note: Do you see, fellow moms? I have found a mommy loophole. You can actually provide a really good ass kicking to your kids without doing it yourself, therefore eliminating the entire CPS/legal issues drama!
So of course they couldn't stay good for more than 8.7 seconds, and it starts up again. I turned to Ryan and gave him the nod. I quickly heard a slap and an "Owwww!" and suddenly where there were two brats at war now there was one pair in pain. See? He ended their animosity by bringing them together with a whole world of hurt, and our family outing was all the better for it.
