A little update on why I've been absent. My migraines have been raging the last few weeks so I've been a bit uninterested in blogging for all of you. No offense, but I don't write well through pain. It tends to be all swear words and, well, just all swear words. Not wanting to look completely certifiable, I tend to stay away from putting anything out there that can be used against me in a court of law. Also, my blog formatting is bizarre for some reason and it just makes me want to swear even more, so I need to settle down before I cuss myself to death. Anyway, back to the pain.
I had Botox injections yesterday. No, I didn't need to up my wrinkle game. I had it done for my migraines. I was worried that I might have frozen forehead, which would terribly inhibit my ability to look mean and grumpy if I can't raise my eyebrow(s). When I asked the doc, he assured me that it's not a cosmetic dose so there would be no forehead freezing of any kind nor any magical wrinkle reduction. I'm not a needle-phobe; hell, I've had rabies shots and THOSE hurt like hell! I did a lot of research online, and most of what I found said the needles are like "tiny skinpricks" or "almost unnoticeable," which to me reads less like rabies shots and more like acupuncture, which is actually quite relaxing. Was I ever shocked when I found out that:
1. There were approx. 30 shots TOTAL. Yes, 30. Not 5, not 10, not even 20, but about 30 all over my face, head, neck, and shoulders. I was starting to feel like my old 1990's waterbed after my cat went all claws on the mattress.
2. They do NOT feel "almost unnoticeable." They hurt like hell. Maybe not rabies hell, but definitely hell-adjacent. I'm already deathly afraid of bees, and this is what I imagine getting my head stuck in a beehive must feel like. Now I'm even more afraid of bees.
3. Unlike the internet reports that say you need at least 2 sessions in a series every 12 weeks apart, my doctor informed me that I would need to get them every 12 weeks "pretty much forever" if it's working to prevent my migraines. If this works, I have to be willing to undergo the "Pinhead from Hellraiser" routine for ever and ever and ever.
What was REALLY embarrassing, though, wasn't when the doctor told me I had "really thick skin" on my forehead and cursed his tiny needle for not making it thru my skin, which apparently is either a strike against my skincare regimen or a pro if I get tired of Jay and decide to enter the Texas Chainsaw Massacre dating profile. It also wasn't even when my forehead kept bleeding too much and the doc had to keep interrupting the injections to wipe off my "Carrie at the prom" look. Surprisingly, it wasn't even when the doctor and nurse were pawing through my hideously unwashed and gross hair, and all I could think about was having hands emerge and grab them like in The Grudge. (In case no one realizes, it's 31 Days of Halloween on SyFy, which is the absolute best time of the year, but obviously watching all of these horror movies might affect my normal life a little). No, the most embarrassing part was when the nurse was taking my blood pressure. She was looking at her computer screen and said, "You need to uncross your legs and put your feet flat on the floor," which I did. She turned to face me and then said again, "Your feet have to be flat on the floor." While Jay snickered next to me, I sighed and told her, "They don't GO flat on the floor. That's as far as I can reach."
So, yeah.....cuss words, cuss words, cuss words, cuss words. The End.
