Oh. Hello, Monkey Wrench. Fancy Meeting You Here.

Just as an overall general FYI, this was my schedule yesterday:
- Take Smalls to soccer practice. 
- Take The Medium One to soccer practice.
- Get to my doctor appt. halfway across town within 30 minutes.
- Get back from doctor with barely minutes to spare before Smalls is left standing alone on a practice field looking sad and homeless (sad 'cuz he's alone and homeless 'cuz that's his go-to look).
- Get the homeless kid and book over to the high school to pick up The Medium One from his practice.
-Get The Medium One to work at his new job and wait around for his call for a pickup.
- Throw work and housework in the mix somewhere just for shits and giggles. 

To add to the insanity, next week these two start school so I can add that holy hell of first week madness to my list. Oh, and I have to have surgery on Tuesday, for which Jay kindly took off a week (mostly to help me & the kids, but also 'cuz he's got plans to go to a friend's cabin that weekend). I've had this day, this week, and next week planned to every dotted I and every crossed T imaginable. Today I have my final preop appt. with my family doc and then it's a go for next Tuesday, which inconveniently is when school starts. My oldest started college yesterday, which explains why he wasn't a participant in the Pony Express. Jay will take over the stagecoach reins while I have my surgery. I was a bit apprehensive about his ability to clone me since school also starts, so he has to remember who gets where when and who leaves where when and who needs a ride after practice and who has what work schedule and who needs a ride there and/or back. There are also the trivial matters. Do they have cleats & shin guards and socks? Are they all prepared with water bottles/Gatorade so as not to melt in this horrific summer heatwave we're having? Did he remember sunscreen? Did he make them wear it? Does Branden have his water bottle? Is he sure? Is he 100% sure? Is the water bottle physically within his possession? Is there water in it? Does he know the first day of school is going to be full of forms and piddly class fees to be signed and paid? Does he know inevitably someone will require a book/notebook/binder/Costco sized box of tissues for class right this very second or else?????? I've done all the prep work I possibly can, leaving nothing to chance. I have a doomsday prepper's storage of school supplies. I've got everyone set with new school shoes and backpacks. I've got all the bills paid and ready to go. I've got work schedules and practice schedules written out and on the counter for all kids for next week. Basically, I'm fucking Superwoman and everyone knows it. It's gonna be difficult for Jay to step into my tiny size 6-1/2 Wonder boots, but he'll manage. 

Or he would have, except......He finally went to the doctor yesterday for his ankle and he has a RUPTURED ACHILLES!!!!!!! He needs SURGERY!!!!! Does it seem like I'm yelling? I am! Seriously! How could fate be looking at this situation and think There really seems to be one more variable missing here. I know! I'll take the other parent out of the equation and see how that shakes things all up in there. Well, it worked. My husband's waiting to find out when he gets scheduled for surgery, and damned if it's not possible that we'll both be down and out at the same time. If this happens, I'm not panicking. Yet. I'm finally going to buy this magnificent medieval couch bed we saw at a furniture store that looks like a Kraftmatic Joan of Arc would've slept in. It's gonna go right smack dab in the middle of our living room and we're gonna just flaunt our sickness for the whole world to see. Our kids may not get anywhere they need to go, but at least we'll be declining, reclining, electrifying, and lying in style in all our post rehab splendor. I sure hope my insurance covers the medieval bed. It's absolutely crucial to recovery of my sanity.