If The Shoe FIts

I really wish this was a fun and breezy post about me getting some new shoes. In fact, I recently saw a drop dead gorgeous pair of shoes in a celebrity trash magazine, but imagine my devastation when they were $400. I asked Jay later on, "Is there any way I could have $400 for a pair of shoes?" He laughed and said, "For ONE pair of shoes? Fuck no!" I then asked, "Can I have $400 for 10 pairs of shoes?" Never falling for a second for my lame attempt at mathematical distraction, he just gave me a "nope" and walked away.

In reality, I would never spend $400 on a pair of shoes even if I could. It's the principle of the thing. I'm not a brand freak; I just like cute shoes. I can easily buy eight or nine pairs in a Payless just as easily as I could buy one or two pairs on a shoe site. If they're cute and within my budget, they belong in my closet. Never mind that I have several pairs with tags still on because no matter how cute they are, I have no use for them. All that matters is they're in my closet and they're mine for the wearing (or not wearing).

But my shoe sitch aside, the shoes currently in question are Branden's. More specifically, they are the shoes he doesn't have. The kid wears one pair of shoes until there's nothing left but a ragged, stinky, filthy shell of what might have once been a shoe but now can only be considered toxic biohazard. Since this is my third kid and my third son, I'm no stranger to this rodeo. I know what boys do to their shoes and I'm fully aware that there comes an age where the brand, the style, the color all start to matter and no longer can I buy them stuff at Target or Payless. Knowing and accepting, though, are two different things.

Last year was Reebok ZigTechs. They're hideous, they have neon soles/laces, and they cost around $80. Branden is also very picky about his colors, and only orange or yellow would do. Unfortunately, he has now moved on to Nike Flex, which apparently every other child on the face of the planet has done as well since they're nowhere to be found.  We ordered a pair this week we finally found online and I coughed up the extra $12 shipping to get here ASAP because school starts Tuesday. They arrived today and are too small. I ran up to Famous Footwear to exchange them, only to get that "are you serious?" look from the cashier when I asked if they had the right size. I was quickly informed that not only did they NOT have my size, but only one store in the entire Twin Cities area had them. Not relishing a field tip in my near future, I went back home to search - again - for that perfect pair that suits his current fetish and doesn't break my bank. Forcing me to scroll through neon greens and bright blues and orange/yellow clown combinations, we continued this back and forth tug-of-war between trying to keep them under $80 and also finding them available for immediate delivery in his size AND also satisfying his bizarre need for something fluorescent. We finally got to a compromise of something I can only describe as acid vomit in color, and I sighed as I once again clicked the okay to upgrade my shipping to immorally high fees just so my son doesn't wander into school on his first day next week with the equivalent of black and orange pond scum on his feet.

Now that we're  past that, I believe mama not only needs a new pair of shoes, but a foot massage to go with them. Anyone know where I can find a good deal on that with free shipping?