I Apologize, But I'm Pissed

My apologies go out to my readers, both the loyal ones who I've disappointed by my lack of recent writing, but also to those who might have browsed through my blog and discovered my greatness, but couldn't weed through all of the cobwebs in the way. I promise, I will make it up to you, but first......

I. AM. PISSED.

Let me start by prefacing this with the following comment: DISH NETWORK IS THE WORK OF THE DEVIL AND I WILL DO ALL IN MY BITCHIEST POWER TO TELL THE ENTIRE FRICKIN' WORLD ABOUT IT.

If you think for a moment this is a simple "they made me mad" rant, let me make this part clear: I have willingly agreed to pay FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS in early termination fees so that I can be certain of three things:
1.  They do not own me or my money or my premium movie channels.
2.  They will never ever get another red dime from me, not ever.
3.  It's worth every single penny to get that last fuck you added to my account (which I personally requested be notated in quotes to be preserved for all technological posterity) and so I can get on with my business of trashing them for as long as I can stand it.

As meanspirited as I am, I really do try to keep my stress level to a minimum, which means not letting the little things get to me. I gave up road rage (except in winter, in Minnesota, and on the roads in the winter in Minnesota). I gave up jobs that force me to work with people, thereby reducing my interaction with stress-inducing idiots. I love to pass on hilariously wicked sarcastic funnies online, mostly in an attempt to try to overcome the happy sweet "Hang in There!" kitty pictures I still receive from people who ironically know me quite well yet still continue to cling to the thought that the animal lover in me is also a mindless twat stuck in the emotional equivalent of a prepubescent 12-year-old. But mostly, I try, try, try to relieve tension and stress with humor or sarcasm (which are really the same in my mindless twat of a mind) so that my heart doesn't burst out of my chest. Yes, Dish Network, I'm playing the 'you're taking advantage of a poor ill woman with your corporate disdain for customers both female and sickly.' Sometimes being a prosaic and wordy woman means using that talent for the greater good, and in this case when I ask myself (as I often do in blog posts and aggressive driving) "What Would Jesus Do?" I can feel my inner spirit being guided to use my God given skills of vindictive writing to do as much damage as I possibly can, and that's what I intend to do.

So, for my readers, I make a promise to you on the condition that you make one back to me. I will really try very hard to provide you with more current updates of my hilarious life, ensuring that something funny or stupid or rude or obnoxious makes its way into my blog on a more regular basis because I do love to hear myself talk and I do love for others to hear me talk, so it's really win-win all around (which is also something I love). But.....in return, I ask that you tolerate my soapbox of hatred toward DISH NETWORK until I can be satisfied they've been struck by karma lightning and/or my heart isn't going to explode out of my chest. (Did I mention they're antagonizing the wrong bitch when you take into account my heart condition and my seriously angry wrath from hell????) So bear with me and stay away from DISH NETWORK, far, far away. I will continue my saga tomorrow after my Chocolate Vodka and Valium have had a bit more time to settle in and make me tolerable and much less likely to go all Lizzie Borden around the house, 'cuz let's face it: Nothing good ever comes from that (and God knows I sure as hell wouldn't be the one cleaning up THAT mess!)

To be continued.....REALLY REALLY HARD AND REALLY A LOT FOR QUITE A LONG TIME!