Got The Keys??????

We were huge Friends fans when the show first started. It hit the air during our first year of marriage, and we felt connected to this show of young 20-somethings starting their own adult lives. (Well, I felt connected. Jay may have been more comfortable with another show called Thirty-Something, but whatever.) One of the funniest episodes was when everyone was going up to the roof on Thanksgiving to watch the parade. As the last two leaving the apartment, two words were misinterpreted by two people, causing them to get locked out of their house. Monica insisted she yelled to Rachel, "Got keys????" with heavy emphasis on the question. Rachel thought Monica said, "Got keys!" inferring she had possession. Obviously neither actually had them and it went on from there.

I tell you this because the other night, it was the same scenario, except it wasn't keys, it was kids. Specifically a kid. Even more specifically, MY kid. Kid 2 had gone to a friend's house after school and texted asking for a ride home at 7. I was getting ready to take Kid 1 to the store to practice driving & I asked Jay if he knew the address because I hadn't been there before. Jay said, no worries, he'd pick him up.

Kid 1 and I were done at the store sooner than expected. He still wanted to do more driving, but we had groceries to put away. We got home at 6:30 and I asked Jay if he would take Kid 1 out driving some more since he's got to pick up Kid 2. He said yeah, and then he said, "So I'm getting Justin?" Which to me was redundant because I just said since he'd be out getting Justin anyway, but men are like dogs and really only hear what they want to hear (blah blah blah football) and repeating is a regular necessity around here.

Flash forward to 7 and I get a text from Justin. "Where are you?" I started to text him back that his dad should be there any second, and then he sent a second text instantly that didn't make any sense, which isn't unusual as Justin speaks his own special language of mumblese with a hint of jive. My interpretation was that his coded message meant "he's here."

Flash forward to 7:30. Justin calls me. "Where are you?" I said, "You haven't been picked up?" "Nope." "Are you kidding me? Your dad seriously didn't pick you up?" "Nope." I said, "CALL him! He was supposed to get you a half hour ago!"

Flash forward to 8:00. Jay & Ryan walk in. I ask Ryan, "Where's your brother?" "Which brother?" (This is always his response. In his defense, he does have two. In my defense, he knows who I'm talking about and he doesn't get a defense.) "Which brother do you think? Did you guys pick him up?" Ryan says, "No. Dad said YOU were going to get him." Jay walks in behind him and I yell, "You seriously did NOT get Justin?" He said, "What are you talking about? YOU were supposed to get him!" I said, "Why the hell would *I* be getting him???" He said, "I asked you, 'So I don't need to get Justin then?'" I said, "No! You said, 'So I STILL need to get Justin?' The whole point was to save me an extra trip. Why would I tell you to take Ryan driving if I was gonna get Justin myself? How would I even get him? I just told you I don't even know the address!" By this time he's not listening and leaves to get our kid (supposedly; he could've been heading to a gun shop at that point). Within 5 minutes, Justin walks in the door. I said, "Did you pass your dad out there?" "No, why?" I said, "Because he's finally really on his way to get you." Within 5 minutes of THAT, Justin gets a call on his cell from his dad. I hear, "Yep. I'm home. I walked home. No really, I am at home. I'm POSITIVE I'm at home right now."

When he got home, Jay chose to pretend he couldn't see or hear me (not that I was talking to HIM, because I was doing a REAL silent treatment and he was only doing the man's I don't know how to do this but it has to work because it always works on me sad amatuer version). I know I specifically made it clear I did NOT have the keys. Jay, on the other hand, was Key City and totally in the wrong. Totally. Wrong. Jay.