Every once in a blue moon (like today, though I honestly don't know what color the moon is, so pretend it's blue) Jay will read my blog. This happened today (the blog reading, not the blue mooning) and he informed me I've gotten a bit alpaca crazy. His exact words were "You have a serious alpaca problem." But he need not set up an intervention just yet, because I've moved past the 'paca's.
I gotta get a penguin.
I've seen March of the Penguins and they are so stupidly cute with their little waddle and tuxedos. I only watched the cute part, though, 'cuz the thought of them freezing and dying and being so cold all for the sake of ONE little baby egg just breaks my heart. I think their lives are much more endangered in whichever pole they're in and I think my focus should be on their safety. While I also love polar bears (they have AMAZING taste in soda), I don't want to consider that they might also be using that Diet Coke to wash down a penguin-coated palate.
I live in MN. That's pretty much the same as the South Pole, so I should be allowed to have a penguin. Plus, I live on a fishable pond, so they'd get all the cold freezing water & fishies they need. I would truly be the most coveted neighbor of them all. My nameless neighbors would all want to know me just for a peek at my penguin. (I said penguin, not pikachu. Sometimes you readers are just plain perverts.)
Not only would my neighbors be jealous like in the commercial ("I could've got a FALCON!") they would also be proud to BE my neighbor, because where else would you be able to visit a penguin habitat every single day FOR FREE???? All of my fellow ponders could sit on their own decks and observe my adorable penguin at their leisure, which in turn would make them feel downright decadent and royal. The neighbor kids could make him an igloo and a slide. Every day would be a fabulous one on OUR street. "I wonder what the neighbor's penguin is doing out there?"
Plus, it gives me an excuse to get a moat and then my kingdom will grow just a tiny bit larger. And I, of course, will be pleased.
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
