Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Help Me Save The Alpacas!

I understand NO one will believe I've gone all humanitarian and shit, but this is the real deal, people! A dear friend of mine, aware of my desire to own my own alpaca, came across THIS craigslist posting for SIX alpacas for sale in my area!!!! Not quite sure what I'd do with that many (who knows - maybe they're like gerbils and have a short battery life so you need lots of spares???) but positive I need them anyway, my heart pounding like a kid on Christmas morning thinking THAT box is the one I was dreaming of, I read further only to have my dream shatter into a nightmare......It says "WILLING to break up the herd."

WTF???? Who would own a herd (which sounds so frickin' cool by the way. I could tell my neighbors, "See that herd of alpacas? Yup. They're ALL mine. The WHOLE herd. Mine. I own it. The herd.") and then be willing to divvy it up like beautiful land destined for subdivision hell???? How do you even break that to them? "Look, Pacas (I think they prefer to be called Pacas once you own them, though don't quote me on this 'cuz wikipedia hasn't verified it for me yet) I know we always said you was like family (once you own a herd of something, you get to talk like a farmer), but the truth is you ain't, and we gotsta move on outta here so, you know, you gotta go to the highest bidder and/or the person who shows up w/a trailer and a wad of cash."

I call upon my dear, dear, loyal blog followers, hell, ANYONE who happens to stumble across my blog, help me save them! It only takes $6.84 a day to save this half dozen lovelies (if you want to round up to $10 to make it easier on my nonexistent math skills, that'd be just peachy). If everyone who read this just sent me cash, really lots and lots of cash, we could all come together and save this beautiful herd. Apparently the females make some magic fiber, which I will gladly shave off for each one of you to own along with some address labels with a picture of each one on them so you know your donations live on. No one wants these furry friends to end up in foster farms. (Now you understand where your chicken really comes from, doncha? From farmers who gave them up 'cuz they were "moving.") Can you really turn your back on these guys? Can you?

He's saying, "Dude, save me. Seriously."