Dear Facebook:
Why must you hate me so?? Haven't I been but a most loyal follower throughout these several months? Didn't I overlook you deactivating my account years ago for what you called "misuse" but what you meant to say was "lack of use?" (p.s. reminder to self - get Facebook a thesaurus other than wikipedia.)
Do you hate me because I use your game applications? Is that not the lifeblood of your very site? Do you not WANT me to be so addicted to Mafia Wars and Farmville (and I am, truly, thank you very much) so that I can't go one single day without checking on those soybeans or helping a rival crew take out a mob boss? Didn't you add all of these time-consuming, addicting, memory-eating, computer-crashing games simply as a way to bring addiction online? Aren't they, in fact, computer crack? I gotta have it, Facebook! I NEED it!
Do you dislike my continuous postings on my page, my friends pages, my favorite TV show pages, my favorite celebrity pages? Isn't the posting what made Facebook....Facebook? Do you wish me to post less? Would you prefer me to go silent? What would that accomplish, O Wise One? Whomever would that benefit? Certainly not me. Certainly not you.
Do we not have a symbiotic relationship, you and I? Are we not the shark and the remora fish, working together in this giant ocean of information? Do you not want to see other, lesser, inferior sites like myspace, classmates, and reunion to all fall by the wayside in your giant monopolizing path?
If this is all to be true, then please answer this simple question:
WHY HAVEN'T YOUR RETARDED, DUNGEONS & DRAGONS PLAYING, HIGH SCHOOL NERD, BILL GATES WANNABE, IDIOT TECH SUPPORT OXYMORONS FIGURED OUT HOW TO FIX THE FUCKING GLITCHES IN YOUR DUMBASS SYSTEM BY NOW?????
Not feeling the love from your worthless piece of shit site,
Me
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
