Why Sleeping With Your Coworkers Is A No-No

I'm finding I have very little tolerance for anyone anywhere lately. There was a woman right smack dab in the middle of the aisle yesterday at Target and we needed to get by. Our cart was overfilled as it usually is with us trying to both push it AND keep all the stuff from falling off the top. It reminded me of a Louis CK skit where he said we wouldn't say half the horrible stuff in person that we say to people inside our cars. I think it's just the opposite. I think if we said those things in person, then maybe they wouldn't be so ridiculously, ineptly, stupidly oblivious in person AND in cars. Like if I had said to dumbass here (as CK quoted saying in his act), "You worthless piece of shit! I hope you DIE!" I bet she would've moved out of my way. FAST. I'll have to try that experiment another time.

This working from home business really isn't working anymore. And by not working, I mean for Crippled Jay, not for me. For me, it's definitely an 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' train that's been smoothly cruising the tracks for many, many fine long years.

No, he's definitely GOT to go. For one thing, he's incapable of logging in to my wi-fi on his bank's centuries old gargantuan laptop, so he's commandeered the kids' old 5000 foot CAT-5 cord that they used to run from my modem down to the basement to their precious X-Box. So now anytime I leave my office, I just have to follow the twisted, chewed up (Fat Twix thinks the cord is a really, really, really, really, really, REALLY long, thin, and hairless mouse), and tacky cord into the kitchen. On the flip side, if ever a blizzard were to occur inside my house (global warming, anyone?) I guess I'd have a snow rope to save my wretched life.

Yeah, that's pretty damn close to what his laptop looks like. 

I don't really know exactly WHAT his deal is, but when he's left alone, he gets frustrated easily and reverts to a 4-year-old. This, a man who is responsible for approving or denying multimillion dollar loans for veddy wealthy people for things like, oh, I don't know, private planes, yachts, vacation mansions, small islands. He's a Big Deal on these loans, and yet if they only knew their Big Deal sat at our kitchen table in front of his old timey Playskool laptop and swore like a sailor because he just got three more emails, they might rethink letting him have such a big piece of the bank pie. 

Meanwhile, I'm still trying to follow my own routine and schedule. In MY workplace, I don't swear out loud. I don't do a lot of heavy sighing. I don't slam things around or yell. I also do NOT disrupt OTHER people who might have invaded MY office space with things like "Goddammit!" or "Are you KIDDING me???" or "What the fuck?" I most definitely don't drop these childish tantrums and then refuse to explain further. If someone says, "What the hell is this?" don't they expect or want someone else to say, "Hey! What's going on over there?" You would think, wouldn't you? Not Tourette boy in there. I don't know what the hell he wants. Apparently he's like a parrot who just wants to hear the sound of his own voice. Like this one that seriously just now happened!

Him: Whoa! What the hell happened here?
Me: What?
Him: This isn't cool!!!
Me: WHAT?????? (Really pissed off, mostly because he's doing it....AGAIN!!!!, but also because he's doing it seriously right as I'm writing about it IN MY FRICKIN' BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!

Him: My computer's freaking out on me! God! What's YOUR problem??

Asshat.

Where was I?

But.....If I don't reply at ALL, which is what I do now, he'll continue the heavy sighs, the frustrated muttering, and eventually he might even stomp off to the other room. Whatever he does, I just turn up iTunes and play solitaire until he's out of hearing range. 

Unfortunately for him, he's now escalated our working situation to the point that I'm no longer comfortable in the workplace. I'm pretty sure that's harrassment, and since we have had sex before, I can go ahead and throw that in there, too, as part of my case for getting his ass thrown out of this department and back downtown for good. No one needs to feel uncomfortable in their own home office, especially by their own home husband. This is my sanctuary, dammit. He can go back to being just my husband again, not my gimpy inappropriate coworker. I'm gonna have to have a talk with my boss. She really hates office place disruptions, and she really does NOT like having him here anyway. In a way, I kinda feel sorry for him. She's seriously been waiting to kick his crippled ass to the curb for a LONG time now.