I'm a HUMONGOUS Chapstick addict. I'm also a cheap Chapstick addict, which means like an alcoholic who wouldn't hesitate to drink down my Bath and Body Works antibacterial soap to suck out the alcohol content (which is really win-win for everyone 'cuz who wouldn't want their local drunks to have Kitchen Lemon breath?), I can use any store version of the 'stick. Also not unlike any other addict, I have them stashed everywhere so I never have to be far from my next fix, which is usually every 15 minutes or so. I have them in my car, my desk, my kitchen, my living room side table, my bedside table, my bathroom, my purse, my car, Jay's car, and probably other places I don't even remember. There's probably one up my dog's ass for really desperate dry times.
I may not ever fall off the Chapstick wagon, but I will never get on the Eos bandwagon. I've tried, really I have, but they're just ridiculous. They tempt you with these flavors that sound like ice cream and fruit platters. They're like those silly dessert gums - no matter how many pastel colors and pictures of cakes and pies they put on the packaging, it's still not going to taste anything like strawberry shortcake or key lime pie. What they do taste like is what I imagine a Strawberry Shortcake doll would taste like if they were still around and I had an opportunity to lick one. First a whiff of a strawberry-ish smell, then a plastic taste. They're also ridiculously shaped. At least a Chapstick is clever. You can fit it in any purse, any drawer, any pocket, anywhere. It's utilitarian in that when it's empty, it's empty. You've used it up. It's at the end and there is no more. Not with Eos. It's got that dumbass huge round ball of wax, and you basically get to the middle and then you either throw it away, use your finger as an applicator (and who knows where that dirty digit's been), or try to physically shove your lips into the concave shape of the wax. Since the wax is firm and your lips are not, this is usually not successful and really results in needing more lip balm (Ahhh....I see what those sneaky Eos bastards were planning all along!).
The REALLY fucked up thing about the Eos, though, is that it looks like I robbed a little 4-year-old girl's plastic Hello Kitty purse. The Eos is any of about 10 shades of a pastel stupidly oversized Duplo orb that fits nowhere except a little 4-year-old girl's plastic Hello Kitty purse, and when you go to apply it, you realize you're basically agreeing to a wax application over the entire bottom portion of your face. There's no discreet or dainty way to put this shit on. You have to be willing to sit in public with someone and yank this huge round pastel egg out of your purse and proceed to balm your entire face. If this sounds acceptable, then I guess you know who the target market for this product is. If you're like me and prefer to be a bit more classy when handling your addiction, trust me. Leave the Duplo to the 4 and under crowd and stick with the stick.
