Dear Catheter:
I'm sorry, but it's over. Our time together has come to an end and I no longer want to be with you. I wish I could say it's been nice, but it really hasn't. It could never work with us. You're ALWAYS with me. You have to go everywhere with me, no matter how inappropriate it is or how cramped you make me feel. You refused to be discreet, no matter how many times I tried to change that about you. I became such a recluse when I was with you. I feel like I have no privacy, no space, no freedom. You want to take care of my every single need, and I just want my freedom. I need space and you just can't give me that. You embarrass me when we're in public. My family can't stand the sight of you. Even perfect strangers have looked upon me with sympathy when they see that you're with me. And these last few days when you were so difficult and my doctor gave me medicine that turned you that horrific shade of radioactive orange? You looked absolutely ridiculous, and that was the last straw. Even my doctor agrees that I'm much, much better off leaving you behind.
It's not that I need more time. I don't. I've already wasted so much time with you, and now I'm ready to spend my time far, far away from you. I have places I need to go and things I need to do, and frankly, you just don't fit in and never will. I'm sure you'll find someone else to leech onto and suck the life out of, but that person can't be me anymore. We will not be hooking back up again, not ever.
Sincerely,
The Queen
p.s. You can take the leg bag with you. I know you thought it would bring us closer together, but it's just a constant reminder of you, and to be honest, I never even wanted it in the first place.
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
