My mom, bless her heart, isn't completely out of the woods yet. She's systematically turned my tupperware cupboard into that most fearsome of all storage disasters - A mishmashy hodgepodgy compartment of madness rarely seen outside of a teenager's room or an episode of Hoarders.
Meanwhile, my dad has this fun game he likes to play with us when watching shows or movies. If it's a movie he hasn't seen yet, he's like a 4-year-old through the whole thing. He's constantly asking What's happening? Why'd he just do that? He's gonna die, isn't he? Now I understand why children aren't allowed in adult movies. No one really cares about the influence of sex and violence on their young impressionable brains. We just don't want to hear someone asking that many questions.
What's REALLY fun for him, though, is if I'm watching something he's already seen. It doesn't matter that he already knows I haven't seen it. He can't stop himself from leading the script. His favorite is to ask Have you seen the part yet where ____ happens? We are HUGE Breaking Bad fans and have been jonesing for a year for the final season to start. Justin didn't get to see the whole premiere episode so he sat down today to watch. My dad, having watched it with us already (complete with all of his Who's this person? Why is he doing that? What's that person's name? What are they talking about?), was more than happy to walk Justin through it. He starts with Did you see the part where this happens? Justin said yes. Then my dad starts upping the ante. Ok, did you see the part where THIS happens? Starting to get too chronologically close to spoiling it, I finally told him, "Dad! If you keep asking someone if they've seen the part where something happens, eventually they're not going to have seen it and you'll ruin it." I know this from experience, such as when he watched Justified with us and saw a character and said, So you aren't at the part where he gets murdered yet, huh? Rather than encouraging silence, however, this allows him to be the companion instead of the storyteller. This part's hilarious. Did you hear that? Pay attention right here. You'll find out why later. This is so funny! Wait until you hear what he says here. Watch now, this is a good part!
Bottom line on the death watch - They left yesterday, and while I obviously didn't take one of them out while I had the chance, there were (and still are) two reasons why I hesitated:
1. The urge to murder is obviously lessening with distance. Plus, I'm not sure how much worse the laws would be once my crimes cross state lines.
2. I realize it's now my sister's turn with them being back in AZ now and possession being what it's worth. Does she really deserve that particular monkey on HER back? That's now up to her and fate.
The reality of it all is that our family is very, very bizarre and very, very hard to tolerate for most, but among those of us with the blood bond, we know we can annoy each other, we can drive each other nuts, we can make each other scream and cry with frustration, and we can make each other downright angry. But at the end of it all, there are never enough hugs and kisses goodbye and it'll never been soon enough before the next visit, and everything negative just melts away like it never really happened. Think of it as childbirth. It's the most painful experience a woman can endure, but ask that same woman if she'd do it again and she'll say every time, "In a heartbeat." Whether it's a cross to bear or a blessing in disguise, that's my family.
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
