Death Watch - Day 10

Still taxed with the same predicament as to which parent should meet a dastardly demise, I've been keeping track of their conversations to try and get a list of who obviously has the most offenses. Since my dad arrived a week ago, it's basically been Take Your Dad To Work Week. Here's a snippet of the things we learn together: 

Dad: Trisha, do you have the new Lee Child book?
Me: No.
Dad: Why not?
Me: It's not out til September.
Dad: Okay, do you have the most recent one?
Me: Yes. 
Dad: What's it called?
Me: I don't remember (I really don't - I absorb books like a heroin addict chases the dragon and then it's just a muddled memory of characters and plots until I get to the next one).
Dad: But you have it?
Me: Yes. 
Dad: Where is it?
Me: On my Kindle. 
Dad (sounding totally disgusted like I just said it's in the cat litter box, though that's not completely illogical. I'm sure cats crave a good literary delight on the crapper just as much as people): That's not what I meant. 
Me: Sorry. That's where it is.
Dad: I thought you actually HAD it.
Me: I DO actually have it. On my Kindle.
Dad: (sounding even more disgusted, like now the cats in the litter box left the book out in the dog poop): I mean REALLY have it, like you can hold it.
Me: I CAN hold it. 
Dad: That's not really THE BOOK.

Yesterday during Take Your Dad To Work Day, even though the official work part of my dad had ended, the Take Your Dad part was still delightfully ongoing. Anyway, I was reading (apparently not for realsies 'cuz the Kindle isn't a real book, which means I guess I'll have to break the news to it, but perhaps not while I'm in the middle of not reading a book on it) and dad's watching TV. 
Dad: Who's that guy right there?
Me: Not watching. 
Dad: The bald guy in the middle. That's that guy from Cougartown, isn't it?
Me: I don't watch Cougartown.
Dad (hopelessly embarrassed for me): Well of course you don't. No one does anymore. It's off the air. 
Me: No, I mean I never watched it, on or off the air. 
Dad: Yeah, isn't he the guy who was married to the blond down the street?
Me: Dad, I never. watched. the. show. Not ever. I really don't know who you're talking about.
Dad: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's him. What's the name of the blond on there? The ditzy one? 

(This is me now playing possum and trying to not read my Kindle.)

I think it's definitely time for an office relocation. Wonder if my Kindle has a nonbook about building a bunker.

ADDENDUM: Jay informed me the Kindle discussion was totally my own fault and he claims I obviously knew what he was asking and that I was being "difficult." Forever being the mature one, I simply replied, "He started it."