Infidelity Must Always Be Punished - Even If It's Only In My Mind

It's actually not even in my mind, it's in my subconscious mind, the one that I have no control over and Jay definitely has no control over, but it's there and it's real. 

Some dreams are awesome, like a dream about Adam Levine turning his big red chair around and screaming, "I want YOU!" By the same token, some dreams suck ass. The recurring ones are the worst. Mine involves my teeth breaking and/or falling out. 

I don't believe in dream analysis. Dreams are pretty straightforward. I dream of Adam and his chair because I regularly watch The Voice and I love him. I dream about my teeth because I've always had dental problems and I'm pretty sure the dental part of me is British. 

Last night, though, was no dream. It was a real nightmare. I dreamed I found out Jay had cheated on me, and while I was being angry and pouty, he was even ANGRIER and said he was leaving me. For her. Whoever "her" was. Thank God my mind didn't conjure up an actual face for me to hunt down. I watch crime shows. I could stalk someone like it's nobody's business. I woke up after this and felt better that it was just a dream, but then I fell back asleep right back into the same dream! This time, Jay realized the error of his ways and was sorry and wasn't leaving me, but now I was in a depressed void trying to understand how it could have even happened. I did get a "glimpse" of the other woman this time, but again nothing traceable. Jay was also fixing a side of beef on a grill set up in the hallway of our house. 

I don't get any of it. I could maybe understand the meat thing since I fell asleep to The Food Network and I did hear something about having to butcher an entire hindquarter. The important thing, though, is that it was one of those dreams that feels SO real that when you wake up, you really, really, REALLY feel those emotions, which means I awoke with that punching ball to the heart that my husband was cheating on me. 

Because it was so mentally raw and painful, the first thing I did was call him at work. "Why did you cheat on me last night?" He paused, probably because he didn't know who was calling because I never call him at work. I'm sure the crazy tones of my voice kicked in pretty quick, though, 'cuz he said, "I don't even know what you're talking about." I said, "Oh right. You don't remember cheating on me and threatening to LEAVE me and then saying you were sorry and wanted to come back after you BROKE MY HEART?" He paused again (probably counting to 10 this time) and said, "Babe, I didn't cheat on you. You're psycho. I'm pretty busy here, so can we talk about this later? Like never?" Already starting to lose my dream-feelings-fueled anger, I said, "Fine. But you are SERIOUSLY going to have to make this up to me big time, and stop grilling in the hallway." He didn't even bother to answer that and just gave me the usual "Sure, whatever, I love you, gotta run." 

Part of me felt reassured knowing even in the midst of my own crazy, my husband still recognizes it for what it is and loves me even beyond that. Part of me also felt a little suspicious about exactly WHY he 'had to run.' And to whom?  See, crazy, TRUE crazy, never really dies out. It just settles down and carefully watches and waits. So the moral of the story is that if you're gonna cheat on your loved one in their dream, you better find a way to erase the dream from their memory or have some good jewelry and flowers waiting on the pillow for when she wakes up, not with an 'I'm sorry,' but just an 'I was thinking about you and me, and how I'm the luckiest person in the world, and I love you.' Cut that crazy off at the pass and you just might survive.