Tainted Love

I do all my reading on my Kindle. I've loved reading all my life, and it took a while for this fold-over-the-page-corner-to-bookmark-it girl to get used to it, but now I wouldn't go without it. Jay, on the other hand, isn't as much a reader as he is a watcher. He's more into music and TV shows, so I got him a Kindle Fire. Since I have the account with Amazon, I just incorporated his with my account, and to keep them somewhat different, I named his device "Big Daddy" 'cuz Justin told me to and it sounded funny. So we have Trisha's Kindle and Big Daddy's Kindle.

I was browsing through the Kindle Store and this is where my Kindle is a bit negative. I don't have pictures like Jay's, so I have to type in a word and it gives me a bazillion results. I was looking for a book I had heard of and it had the word "love" in the title. I was typing all kinds of combinations that sounded like the book I'd heard of and this was when I discovered Amazon's seemingly endless supply of smut, otherwise known as digital porn. 

Being a good girl, I don't find porn exciting. Being a bad girl, though, I do find porn entertaining. My favorite thing to do in Las Vegas isn't getting free drinks or playing roulette or going to shows. My favorite thing is watching all of the free previews of porn in the hotel, making sure I black out every single channel. I find it absolutely hilarious and Jay thinks I'm an idiot (and secretly fears they're going to charge us anyway even though I tell him they're free trials).

While the bad Trisha was browsing the trash results on my Kindle, I encountered the other negative with my Kindle version - I don't have a touch screen or a stylus. I have a little cursor hand that I have to arrow all around to select. Unfortunately, as I was trying to move my little cursor hand down to "read more" I accidentally hit go while the porn hand was on "buy now." I also stupidly tried to hit the back button too quickly and immediately bypassed the page that had the "Purchased by accident?" link to undo what I'd done. 

So. Now I had accidentally purchased the ironically embarrassing book, "Anal Love." I made the mad scramble to my computer to quickly sign on to Amazon and email their Customer Service to please, please, PLEASE undo the purchase. It was with relief and embarrassment to get the reply:

As per your request regarding your recent digital purchase of ANAL LOVE, we have processed a refund. The title ANAL LOVE will be removed from your device. We hope we have answered your questions regarding your purchase of ANAL LOVE.

I don't think they could've used the title any more unless they signed themselves "Anal Love Customer Service."

So I'm thinking I've fixed it and it's all good, right? It was....until Jay is thumbing through his Kindle library and we discover that since the accounts are linked, the purchases are also linked, and since his is a tablet with little pretend bookshelves and bookcovers, right on his front page, in the middle of the shelves in full color and big font is "ANAL LOVE" complete with a book jacket cover showing some woman's huge ass with a red thong. All under the category of "Big Daddy's Kindle." Explaining the mistake to Jay was easy. Removing it from his device proved to be rocket science, the electronically advanced kind that neither of us were capable of performing. In fact, the only ones who COULD fix it would be son 1 or son 2. Since we've still managed to avoid The Talk (I think it's a father-son deal, Jay thinks he's exempt since HIS dad didn't talk to HIM, and now we're both just hoping they can learn about it at school like everyone else), we were more comfortable leaving Anal Love on the front of his Kindle rather than have to beg one of our technogeek children to remove it for us.

The moral of this story isn't watch out for the dangers of porn. The moral is enjoy all the porn you want, but do it the old fashioned way with a VCR or a hardcover book. And don't nickname your electronic devices something that is going to be really embarrassing if you accidentally download Anal Love (which, I'm sure you all can understand, I will refrain from adding to my list of "Books I'm Enjoying Now.")