If You Think It's Trendy, It Definitely Is Not

I love, love, LOVE watching infomercials. I find myself completely sucked in with every new "invention" that comes along. Some actually work (thank you, Puppy Stairs, for your $10 set of stairs so my dog can get up on the furniture and never has to miss out on hunting a cat who is actually hunting him). As you are well aware, I am also a personal fan of The Genie Bra (doing!) and I also love my Ped Egg (though after a while sanding down my hooves, I start to feel a lot like a horse). But it's the ones that are so ridiculous that I really love to watch. The newest one is Trendy Top. It's a piece of fabric that wraps around your waist to give the appearance of a layered tee look, but even more important, it's to cover your belly fat and your butt crack when you wear low-rise jeans.

Here's how I will help save you the $20 or $10 or whatever free price you're getting: If you are wearing low rise jeans and your belly fat comes oozing out over the top like some form of cellulite toothpaste, or if you can't even bend over to pick something up without your grannie panties and/or your butt crack giving everyone a saucy salutation, DON'T WEAR THESE JEANS! You don't need to wrap a "fake tee" around your waist. That's not even a new idea - women have been wrapping sweatshirts around our waists to hide our asses for years, but it's usually for the purpose of hiding the fact that we started our period unexpectedly. Plus, it looks a LOT like that gimmick from the 80s (I think they were called Units?) for the power working woman. It was just a few stretchy cotton bands in about 4 colors that could be converted into various clothing items (i.e. the "large" band could be a skirt or a tube top or a scarf or a belt) and it was supposed to create an "instant" expanded wardrobe.

Let's face it, a Trendy Top is no different than the dickies (also a ridiculous word; name one woman who would want to name something that covers cleavage a "dickie") that sprung up in the 90s, a fake "glimpse" of a collared shirt to help hide your cleavage. Why do that? Bosoms are for bragging. If you're too prim and proper, then why'd you buy a shirt that had a low front cut in the first place? As far as the Trendy Top goes, knowing that you AND your big ol' hunk o'fat can't peacefully coexist in the same pair of tiny jeans isn't time to get the trendy tee; it's time to admit you are too old to be wearing tiny jeans and you MUST return to mom jeans ASAP! For everyone's sake. No one should ever have to see someone's jelly belly rolling on out over their jeans, but we also shouldn't have to see grown women sporting a cotton band around the waist to "hide it." Every teenage daughter in America will breathe a huge sign of relief to find their mom's who think they're still hip (we aren't) giving up this midlife crisis. Above all else, remember: You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig.