My fantastic friend C went researching UNITS and found this awesome breakdown of the styles (or lack thereof) that were popular in the 80s. Let's take a poignant walk down memory lane, shall we?
Leg Warmers and Fingerless Gloves - You never did anything for me. I wanted to look like Madonna and Cyndi Lauper, but you just made me look like a prepubescent hooker.
Shoulder Pads - I was blessed with my own linebacker shoulders, so any extra padding in that area just made everything I wore look like a football jersey.
Oversized Tops - You were necessary to cover my ass in the stretch stirrup pants, and I have fond memories of you, me, and a cool asymmetrical belt keeping our relationship hip (ha ha! get it? belt and hip??).
Members Only Jackets - You made even dorks feel included. What they were members of, exactly, I do not know, but it was true that they were the ONLY members.
Parachute Pants - I often thought I would want a pair once Breakin' came out and it was all the rage. Unfortunately, I never found myself in a situation where I would need to breakdance OR have lots of pants pockets to (assumingly) hold my breakdancin' pharaphernalia. I assume that would be a record player, a bandana, some spray paint for tagging, and a shoulder-top boom box. By the time Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo hit the theaters, I was already long past the parachutes and on to Pretty in Pink vintagewear.
Huge Earrings - You were monumental in my early junior high formative years, when an entire afternoon could be spent at the jewelry stores seaching for the PERFECT humongous pair. The bigger the better, and it became necessary to add more ear holes for the sake of wearing more big, huge, gaudy earrings.
Mini Skirts - There was nothing wrong with you and you were my only secret weapon because I went through childhood with no ass and chicken legs, so what better wahy to show off my best ass-less assets than with a teeny tiny skirt?
Stretch Stirrup Pants - I miss you most of all!!! I've got you carefully hidden in my closet and I know when the time is right, we'll be together again in public for the whole world to see.
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
