Jay has something he wants to tell me. This is how my morning starts (after the poop scavenger hunt). I get an email from him that he wants to talk about something later. Knowing it isn't divorce (he never would've been able to hold onto THAT one all day; he'd have broken hours ago) now I'm annoyed because he KNOWS I can't stand not knowing what something is. I asked if it was an alpaca and he said no and it's never going to be, but I still think there's a possibility in there somewhere. I wonder if he has set us up for some site to meet swinging couples, which I think will be a problem because I already don't shave enough for HIM, how the hell can I be expected to shave enough to interest TWO other people? Maybe he found me a Designing Women boxed set. That woud be amazing. Maybe he lied to Make A Wish about me having a disease and got me dates with Adam Levine AND Ryan Reynolds. He can't get me a new pet because we've already taken a pinky swear blood oath that animals can now only leave our house, not arrive. It will upset the balance and one would have to go. Maybe that's it. Maybe he found a new home for some of the pets I don't even like anymore. Maybe he signed our kids up for military school. In Siberia. And somehow that will satisfy Verizon's requirements to cancel their cell phone contracts which are seriously going to bankrupt me. Maybe he's sending ME to Siberia. If there's no cell phone service, it'd be an amazing getaway (as long as the kids aren't also there at military school). Maybe he finally found a decent authentic Mexican food restaurant here b'cuz I am jonesing so freakin' hard for some that doesn't include "cream cheese queso sauce" or come with ground beef.
The anticipation is not a good thing.
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
