For Christmas, Santa was sweet enough to bring me new office supplies. Unfortunately, I must've been too far up on the naughty list (of which I'm very, very proud) so instead of the perfect shiny bicycle next to the tree, I'm the kid with a box of parts to a toy I have to spend all Christmas day angrily putting together myself only to find it still needs batteries that I most definitely didn't get in my stocking.
My current office chair is murder on my back, and the arm cushions are so ripped up it now looks like it belongs in a dirty auto repair shop somewhere under some creepy redneck's greasy ass who's staring at a nudie calendar. Since I don't want my business to resemble THAT business, and since I'm too classy to duct tape them back together, I leave them as is, road rash hazard and all. I finally ordered a new one, but....like everyone else, even companies have gotten so lazy that they can't actually MAKE anything for you. They'll provide all the pieces and some instructions (with way too many pictures and not enough English) so that you can do the work that you already paid for. So my office chair sits in its box in the corner, where it's been for a month, sad and lonely. All it wants is to have my lazy ass sitting on it, but that actually requires my lazy ass to get up and put it together. Hence our Made in Mexico standoff.
Also wishing to be useful is my new keyboard. I wear off the letters of my keys after a few months, and though it's really fun to watch my kids suffer through trying to write up a school paper w/out any keys (a generation who can only type by thumb), I actually don't mind the missing key letters. What I do need, however, is a keyboard that's not sticky, of which mine does not fit the bill. Also, after having the same computer desk for about 5 years, and having moved said desk almost as many times (and it is, by far, the heaviest furniture item we own), I FINALLY got the keyboard cord threaded through the hole in the back instead of draped down and around my feet. It required Jay's help, long-handled wooden spoons, and some contortion on my part (as do other activities once my cutie gets involved, but that's entirely inappropriate in this office setting).
So here I sit slouched in my very un-ergo chair, holding my arms awkwardly high so as not to lean against the ripped up and scratchy arm rests, working on my sticky keyboard with not enough letters to win a game of Bingo, hoping for one last chance that Santa might double back and bring me what I really wanted for Christmas - Someone who will actually put together everything I asked for.
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
