So I've taken up farming. In fact, I've hit that wall that all stay at home moms come across at least once (or more) during their "home work schedule;" I've become the babysitter of all the farms while everyone else is gone for the day. Of course, **I'M** not actually doing anything because I'm at home, right? I must just be sitting around watching The Rachel Zoe Project (which is probably true, but it's my time and I can do what I want with it). I found out yesterday it is really hard to take care of 4 farms. I spent almost an hour! And I am fully on the side of the illegal immigrants on this issue - after spending about 20 minutes raking leaves from all of my friends' farms for a measly 20 coins, they can GLADLY have that job whether they've got a valid work visa or not!
As I was collecting my milk from my cow yesterday, my cursor blinked over my little pig and it said, "87% ready." What exactly is my piggy 87% ready for??? If the answer is 87% ready to go see a Jimmy Dean concert, I am NOT amused! This is a HAPPY farm, dammit!!!! I don't even have my animals penned up! They're free range. They can leave whenever they want, and you know what? They don't want to. 'Cuz I'm just that nice a farmer. Yeah, that's right. I'm a horrible person, but I'm a nice frigate farmer. (Frigate the swear word, not frigate the bird; there are no frigatebirds on my farm.)
I've been gradually accessorizing my farm, adding color-coordinated hay bales, fences, trees. Basically it's like my Barbie Dream House, only it's a farm. I get gifts, but I've decided whoever the Magic Gifter is, he's not very bright. He gifts me things I just bought. Like I bought a rest tent, then Magic Gifter bought me a rest tent. Thanks a lot, asshat. Either you're a 4-year-old copycat or you're dumber than dirt. Did you not just see me spend 1000 coins?? You could've saved me the money! Then, to make matters worse, Magic Gifter gave me a well. A WELL!!!! Do you know what comes out of wells? Scary ass little girls that climb through your TV with water after 7 days and kill your ass!!!! I specifically did NOT buy a well because I do not want to die. So Magic Gifter gives me a well. Turn my farm into fuckin' Jeepers Creepers. That's just fantastic. So I took my well and hid it in an orchard of trees, and hopefully the creepy little death girl will get her death hair all tangled up in the tree branches and won't be able to get to me while I'm collecting truffles, which is what pigs actually do. (I still worry about what the bunnies are 43% ready to do, though!!!)
Yes, these are things that really worry me late at night. Death girls on my Facebook farm. And people wonder why I have insomnia.
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
