We're reading sports participation forms for high school and there are pages about what would and would not be covered under the school insurance policy. Specifically, what payouts would be provided depending on what limb(s) or other body part(s) are involved. One eye, both eyes, a thumb, all fingers, both arms, all extremities, the whole damn body, or death (which is funny that they are separate items, so I guess that proves the existence of either ghosts or souls, whichever you believe in or your insurance allows you to believe in). Fingers are only worth about $500. The big money is in eyes and limbs. Those are $10,000. Unfortunately, the whole shebang isn't worth more than the parts - full on death is still only worth $10,000, so I guess to get our money's worth we need our kid to die piece by piece. Huh.
Then we happened to catch a commercial about life insurance. Is God trying to send us a message today? He'll have to leave it on voice mail 'cuz I don't think we're really paying attention. We were too busy laughing at people buying $10,000 worth of life insurance on TV. What the hell is that gonna buy? You can barely get a decent TV or computer for that price. You sure as hell can't even buy a car. Can you really get buried for $10,000? Jay said he doesn't want to be buried, which is fine 'cuz I've never had any intention of burying him. You know, zombies. Plus, I don't have time to go visit cemeteries. I would rather he be here if I need to visit him. Much easier, especially if it's raining. He said he wants his ashes in a beer keg. I said I'd probably stick them in the crock pot up on the shelf. He said a beer keg. I said, "How about the tart warmer? Every day you'll be a new fresh scent." He suggested a beer keg. I think I'll just dump his ashes in the cat litter box, and they can stir his ass up on a daily basis. That seems appropriate.
Then we flipped past a Christian rock video called "Two Hands." It seemed like it would be good, but it wasn't. I liked Jay's version better. "I have one hand....worth 10 grand." I think it was a very inspirational day, and it's not even lunchtime yet!
Queen of my own Magic Kingdom, full of all the irreverent, obnoxious, and sometimes offensive sarcasm you know and love. I don't care what people think of me, but I do care if you like my blog. Read, forward, repeat.
